Ayy

Quite honestly I find writing (or typing really) rather therapeutic
I should do this more often (yet another new year's resolution I will fail to check of my list u wait & see la)

U know when people say they are buried under so many emotions they feel like they're suffocating & u just wanna be like aduh stop complaining k bro just eat
I feel like i'm buried under so many emotions I can't breathe

I don't think I'm ready to be burdened with the Sem 2 workload although oddly enough I'm looking forward (I might even feel a tinge of excitement) to be back to the grind in about 3 days. I feel like the immense load of medically related diagrams/ info I will have to cram into the jelly in my skull in 4 months along with the many co-curicular activities I always find myself appearing at will require so much of my time that I will have none left, to think about my stupid feelings

Also, 8am lectures will be the death of me
Just so we're clear
I do not enjoy 8am lectures

Sometimes I think you care
But other times right I really just wanna slap u & throw u off a cliff
& other times I just wanna keep u in my pocket
cis then you'll be close  & i'll be protected
(& I will know when u try & cheat)

But I don't really have the rights to feel any of this do I
Because we're not really together anymore
Or were we ever
Or are we still

aduh.

HI

Honestly who reads this crap anyway, even I can't bear to read the words I managed to string into cringe worthy sentences all those years (or months la aiyo who am I kidding) ago

I'm probably just going to use this blog as an outlet to vent
Although I am too lazy to privatise it because well
1. Idk how
2. I'm too lazy to find out how
3. & again (nobody reads this anyway no honestly i just checked my stats ZILTCH bro)

I foresee very emotional posts on how much I think my life sucks or sad/angry adjectives sprawled over the (soon to be) many pages of this blog

In fact I think i'm gonna begin my first post now lol

Movies vs. reality

This post is probably gonna be a whole load of crap lol idk sorry just bear with me

U know how when we're single, girls almost always (maybe guys) have a certain picture/idea/concept of what they want their future relationship(s)to be like.

eg. Some girls might be fixated on the idea of a fairy tale wedding, poofy dress with a long ass 10ft 9' trail. Some may dream of unleashing their inner gold digger on some rich ass billionaire. Or wish for a guy who would not only like her for the boob size she was granted; maybe even hope for a relationship just like the ones she sees on tumblr GIFs. (Dont lie, u know what I mean) Maybe even lust after the way kanye puts his hands on Kim's waist and kisses her neck in front of everybody, the cliche as hell stories or what hav u of how a guy grabs a girl from behind. Some girls may want a playful relationship, some all about rainbows & butterflies, some all about being real & be able to fart in front of each other.

But the truth of the matter is that, what u see/want/envision is unfortunately not what u get. I mean i'm not gonna lie, I'm happy; we all are. (at least i hope so, cus if ur unhappy in ur relationship run girl!) Sometimes when we see something we want (simply because we dont hav it) we mind fuck ourselves into being jealous WHEN REALLY we know that we cant always have everything we want. I'm being really stereotypical here forgive me i didnt mean to be offensive, but if the guy ur with is a biker/hardmetalrock/ghetto ass man u cant expect him to come with u to watch some ballet eg The nutcracker. Or sit in a chinese opera show or expect him to go shopping in a One direction (haha sorry it was the girliest shop i could think of) store with u & still be happy, now would u?

I mean if he is happy then well done he's a keeper but u know. highly unlikely.

I guess all girls get jealous sometimes & we want things we dont have. e.g. more chanel bags, a birkin, to be kissed in public without having to ask, mcdonalds for bfast lunch & dinner, for the world to be like 'i wanna hav a relationship like that' (which btw, vanessa hudgens & that guy shes with hav achieved), to eat without getting fat & to be a doctor (heh)

So u see, in my humble (trololo) opinion I think it is perfectly acceptable for a girl (guy) to want things that she knows she will never get because maybe those things will bring more bad than good. & maybe if she changes a guy too much, he wont be himself anymore & she is so so scared that he wont be the guy she feel in love with

I feel like ive been rambling, idk if any of these words hav substance btu its 3am & ive been meaning to wrote about this for a while, i just didnt know how

What am I doing

This might (or not) be a lengthy post as it's 4am & I am severely jet lagged & I cant sleep & I just kdshjfmgbksdjhfbjhdf

I always find myself running back here to write about all the unfortunate events I happen to stumble upon. I dont usually plan ahead and tell myself 'Alex u hav to write in ur blog today', I do it on impulse, which explains why my posts are either irrelevant or mawkish. & my grammar/spelling appalling ... but who gives, right?

ANYWAY
(Disclaimer I am going to start ranting here so press the red button on the top left of this window if you want to, i wont mind)

BUT YAH ANYWAY
I honestly just dont know what to do anymore. I;m not hurting (thank God), i'm not sad (Thank god, yet again) but I just cant help wondering what if. What if I never said anything, what if we actually tried just a little harder, what if i was a little nicer. 
No but I hate you so much I do,I swear if i could go right up to u and slap you i bloody would but in the end I always find myself talking to u even though I try so hard not to
Its like I hate u,but theres this thing that keeps me from hating u altogether
Like I get so annoyed but then i still reply
BUT I RELI WANT TO SLAP U, but I jdfukjhdsfh idk man idk

What is this Lex what r u doing
Someone please help me get my shit together

FORTUNE

hi again, i'm in Switzerland it's snowing outside and i'm cold as hell hah

so anyways, i had my fortune told.

YES I KNOW

'dafuq alex, where did u find a fortune teller?'

.. well that part of the story is far too long so let's just cut right to the chase

1. MY HEART IS GOING TO BE BROKEN. According to her it hasnt been broken yet. She could tell me exactly what happened between my ex and I and it was creepy u have no idea. 'he didnt break yoru heart alex he broke ur ego, cus u just want attention 24 hours a day and he couldnt give u that' & i was all like 'OMG CAN U PLEASE TELL ME WHO?' but she refused to tell me cus she says it'll be abusing her power

2. I HAVE VERY BAD KARMA. i mean i wasnt as surprised as i shouldve been (lol probably because i already know how much of a bitch i am) anyway she says i have this negative aura around me I mean i do try to be as nice as i can it's just that sometimes asdfghjklsdfghj

3. YOU WILL NOT GET MARRIED. Dude u have no idea i almost died but thank u Jesus she was like 'BUT KARMA CHANGES EVERY 3 YEARS'

Well I guess what I'm getting at is that I NEED TO CHANGE; lol yes i've said this so many times before but i have to change, i really do now because if I dont my future will be BLEAK & I really do want to have a happy onee

ah fingers crossed

oh God help me pleasee

haha lexi xx

p/s HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! :))))

PICTURE SPAM

what i have been doing with my life for the past few weeks.... not in chronological order, too lazy to arrange it all hah TYPICAL

lexi x

quick update

..ok fine not so quick.

before you comment on my lack of blog updates, hehe, I HAVE BEEN BUSY, PUH LEASE. *puts on a serious face*

No but honestly i have been really busy. I went to madrid it was amazing. The spanish are such nice people and the boys asdfghjklasdfghjklsdfghjkl Also, i've been studying my big butt off, i really have. Exams begin on saturday & we havent had much time to actually sit and study because of the mayor's concert and the auditions and all the activities & my parents came last friday.

AND. we have ESB on friday, thats 2 days away. & i am no where near ready, k fine that was i lie. i'm sorta ready but still I'm so nervous i cant even.

*to the people who actually take the time to read this nonsense of a blog haha & dont know what ESB is, its a program. An exam, really. When students have to give speeches, recite shakespeare, and all that jazz. Anywhoos, it's a big deal and its hard because we have to memorize everything & the examiners will ask us questions based on whatever we say*

picture time!

^the above is what i look like as of now, ugly i know but idgaf cus i'm studying. ...or was

muah!

lexix

Infatuation

I vow not to swear on this blog as (hi mum & dad) some people who will be more than happy too skin me alive, will do just that if i so much so as type half a swear word.

Anyways, back to my life update. I wouldnt say i have an interesting life, but i guess i keep myself entertained, be it with one tree hill or talking behind people's backs (ha, i kid i kid). or BOOKS, lets not forget the most important hehe

but thats not the point

THE POINT IS THIS

I have been doing alot of this lately^

yes, lip biting. NO not to look hot and sexy or whatever it is you think i lip bite for. BUT because, i am stressed. I bite my lips when i'm stressed, i bite the inner parts mostly. WHICH IS WHY i have ulcers now. soososoosos many ulcers. they have come back to haunt me yet..again :( sad life i'm living here ok & they hurt, and they're so itchy. I cant be scratching my lips, so to ease the itchiness i bite even more. NEVER ENDING PROCESS

which brings me to the real point of my post ( have been ranting i know, soz i talk alot)

I am stressed because

1. I have GCSEs in 5 months & if i dont get an A* for all my 9 papers i would first shit my pants, then jump. END OF ALEXANDRA THAM'S MEDICAL CAREER
2. I have to figure out a way to earn Mrs Denham's trust, not forgetting Mr Hawkins and the entire staff body of CONCORD COLLEGE. ahhhhh, stupid decisions, i dont know why i cant stop making them
3. I need to lose weight. I AM SO FAT
4. I might like you. idk i dont need distractions right now. but its so hard. cus.ur.so.asdfghjkl! BUT i cant, OR CAN I

in distressssss

xxlexi

OH GUESS WHOOOOS BAAAAACKKK

um,

yeh

i .. forgot about the 30 day challenge heh heh heh heh

I promise i'll start soon though. lul i wonder if anyone reads this thing anyway

k its 12.13am, I cant sleep & i'm bored SOOOOOO PITCHAAA SPAMMMM

^that i took just now, in detention

^that, i took yesterday before the discoooo & no, we did NOT live young wild and fr33

^this one was over christmas break. a month ago?

^& ahha this one too!

^grandparent's 50th wedding anniversaryy hella long time 50 yeaars is biishess

at sacred heart

xxx lexi

30 DAY CHALLENGE

i stole this hahaha from bells or max or heidi i cant even remember anymore,

i thought it was cool, so imma be doing this.

fingers-crossed i'll actually finish it heh

x

finally

after a year and God knows how many days, i can finally reply to this message that was sent to me October last year

Dear Anon,

You would probably never read this but it is very important to me that i say thank you. Yes, you sent me that message eons ago, yes, i was tempted to reply to it to say that you were a whole load of crap, yes, i didn't believe you.

But now, after months and months of i miss yous, what ifs, if onlys, do i realize that time really does heal wounds. I dont mean to be sensitive and 'mushy' but i was hurt, i was so crazy honestly. Pretty much beyond repair, and i didnt think that things would ever get better. 'That this was rain and sunshine would never come.' But it did, and it has and i am proud to say that I am over it.

and that you were right!

you deserve a pat on the back.

so if it was you, go ahead give yourself a pat on the back :)

leo's night

tasha, belle, me, wendy

so i just got back from leo's night. we performed some hip hop thing. the front part wasnt all that bad really, but toward the end we all had brain spasms & it got really messed up. but overall it was pretty AWESOMMEEEE, taking into consideration the fact that be barely had time to finish the dance. We did out best! GO RED STEPPERS!!

All the other performers were awesome too! It was an enjoyable night & i had fun tbh.

i'm tired now night guise! :) x

lexi the fattie

so lately i've been struggling a little with being a fattie.

1. I EAT 24HOURS a day.

2. I exercise for at least 1HOUR each day.

but you see, after burning like a zillion (okay fine maybe not a zillion) calories jumping around, lifting weights & sweating like a (for lack of a better word) pig, I EAT.

& EAT

& EAT.

oh and... EAT

this is why i am still FAT. or as i like to say, AM STILL A FATTIE.

which now brings you to the depressing part of this post, I HATE BEING A FATTIE. i am so fat. 'no lex, you are not fat' 'serious alex, not fat' LIES! LIES! LIES!

my self esteem has hit an extreme low.

thank you skinny people.. really...

youth

i'm 15. pretty young really, but sometimes i do things that i shouldn't do. that people my age shouldnt be doing. i honestly should try and act my age.

August 15 2011

ahhahah i just read all my old posts. i was so caught up in old memories & was so damn heartbroken i couldnt even think straight.

WELL HERE I AM.

not as unhappy as before, but not as happy as i was before he happened.

.. BUT dont get me wrong, I AM CONTENT.

I AM HAPPY.

& all that 'time heals everything' shit. reaaally isnt shit. yes, time was all it took. time for me to realize that all things happen for a reason, time for me to step back and be thankful for all he taught me, time for me to realize that there are better things for me out there.

be it education or love.

:)

memories

they never fade, everytime i think its okay it just gets worse. i miss you. and i'm confused. i really do miss you. all the crap you used to do. all the nights when i fell asleep with my phone in my hand only to wake up to an 'iloveyou baby goodnight' i miss you.

''paranoia, jealousy and love.

what you’re about to read, is the truth and nothing but the truth.

paranoia, jealousy and love. they’re all linked together one way or another. without each other, they wouldnt exist.

i get paranoid, yes i sure do. i get paranoid when the exams are near, i get paranoid when its to dark and i cant sleep, i get paranoid when he doesnt say hello, i get paranoid when i dont feel loved. paranoia is a bitch.

jealousy, its a sin, now is it not? i get green eyed when my parents pamper my brother, i get jealous when other humans have things that i dont. but i dont get jealous when he talks to other girls. i mean, there is no point in freaking out over something small. in this case being, talking to other girls or like being, their gay best friend. i have several gay best friends and I LOVE THEM TO BITS. but heres the catch, he got jealous. jealous of me talking or being to close(?) to them. and he didnt tell me, he thought it was easier for him to take this ‘problem’ to another person. now wasn’t that a wonderful thing. but in the end, i confronted him and told him to let go of it and that they’re my best friends, nothing more nothing less. i guess what i’m trying to say here is, boys get jealous more than girls do. in my case, that is.

love, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVING SOMEONE AND LIKING THAT PERSON. love is being with someone that you care about entirely. and would do anything for. Love isnt blind deaf or dumb, in fact it sees far more than it’ll ever tell, its going beyond yourself & stretching who you are for someone else. Being in love entails seeing someone as you wish they were: to love someone is to have seen their true colours and still love them for who they are, still stick with them through thick and thin, still suck up all the crap they put you through. Love isnt bitter, but it sure is not without pain: sacrifice, comes with love. its a darn package. and having a crush on someone isnt love. love takes time, alot of time. it takes a hella lot commitment too. so dont use the word love until you really do know what it means.

thats it, for now.

xoxo.
alex :)

p/s. i think i love you. shhh :)''

so thats what i wrote last year. when things were better. when love actually meant a whole lot. but know idk what love is anymore. all i know is i miss you. but the feeling isnt mutual. and i really dont know what to do anymore.

read it.

just thoughts.

so imma be writing things here nowadays. why? yeah i know tumblr is 'where its at' but the things on the dashboards, super depressing i tell you. i was gonna start writing in my blogger last month, but i procrastinate alot. lets talk about the blog title. of aliens, dinosaurs and feta cheese. aliens cause they're awesome. i know its like their nerdy and all, but i dont care cause they're green, gruesome and well just plain cool. dinosaurs. I LOVE DINOSAURS. i just hate it when i'm watching america's next top model or something on tv and my brother switches it to some dinosaur channel and my mum agrees with him. and i'm just like whuuuuuut. feta cheese. orgasmic i say. its melts in your mouth its like love at first taste. beyond words. i can evennn.

introduction?

alexandra anastasia tham, remember that name, you'll probably need it when you're behind the bleachers talking about 'the girl who took so long to get over her ex'. i'm fourteen. and i talk a whole lot. i laugh at basically everything. and i believe that cheese is God sent. hahhaha. it really is! oh and, i'm always hungry. talk to me. i dont bite :)